This is one of those things that, especially in the Western world, has become increasingly common and popular worldwide: we often act busier than we really are. Much of this behavior is tied to work ethics and professional environments. However, when it comes to friends, co-workers, and others, if you’re someone who typically responds within a reasonable time, you’ll notice that most people don’t—and they often take a long time to reply. Even your best friend might delay responding, which can make the friendship or relationship seem unreliable.
Imagine if you were an employee who constantly delayed tasks and pretended to be busy all the time. You probably wouldn’t last long in that job. Yet, when it comes to friends and family, we often carry over this habit of pretending to be busier than we are. I’ll explain this more in a moment, but first, let’s compare today to the time before touchscreens, social media, and the internet boom in the ’90s. Back then, most people had only one phone—a home phone. When it rang, someone would rush to answer it, and even though the phone was stationary, you could usually get a hold of someone within a day or two. Ironically, now that we have cell phones in our pockets and multiple messaging platforms, there’s often a huge delay in getting a response, whether you call or text.
This situation presents several issues. No one is suggesting that you need to respond within milliseconds or always reply quickly, but there is a point where response time becomes abnormal. Sometimes, people pretend to be much busier than they are because they believe that being busy is a sign of success—successful, wealthy people supposedly don’t have much time, so they are constantly on the go, getting things done. The idea becomes that being unavailable equates to importance.
However, the social status of celebrities or wealthy individuals is not the same as that of an average employee or manager. People who play the “pretend busy” game might end up pushing away the valuable people in their lives. These valuable people often go unnoticed because they don’t make much noise when they enter or leave our lives. We must recognize that this behavior isn’t appropriate for all situations.
Pretending to be busier than we are is counterproductive. As mentioned earlier, we have cell phones in our pockets. Calling someone directly has become rare unless you already have a long-term relationship with them. If you just met someone and called them, they might find it strange. So, instead, we text and wait for a response. However, you’ll often find that this leads to one-sided conversations with short messages like, “Hello, how are you?” “Fine.” “What are you doing?” “Nothing.” This has become common, and much of it stems from social media and the desire for 15 minutes of fame. Many people act as though their lives are busier and more important than others, which can drive away the high-value individuals in their lives.
This behavior can make a person seem unreliable and untrustworthy. If someone consistently takes an excessively long time—two weeks, one week, or even six months—to respond, it’s clear that pretending to be busier than they are is not beneficial. This habit often stems from social pressure to appear constantly occupied. Realistically, though, most of us are always on our phones, and a response within one to three hours is reasonable. If someone consistently takes too long to reply, it might be time to move on. It’s important to recognize this pattern and adjust your behavior accordingly, being less available to those who are consistently unreliable.
If you’re interested in exploring this subject further, consider joining MJ’s upcoming events, where these topics will be discussed in detail.
We welcome your thoughts and feedback in the comments section below. For one-on-one coaching, feel free to contact Milad Emjay
