Misery loves company, and often, those who are passive-aggressive tend to bottle up their problems. This is unhealthy and creates further complications. The issue arises because they have suppressed their ability to stand up to bullies. When they encounter someone who appears genuine and kind, they often mistake that kindness for weakness.
Since those who are weak-minded cannot stand up to bullies and have bottled up their tensions, they may see your happiness as a form of weakness. In their minds, you become an easy target for them to retaliate against.
Even though it’s not your fault and you haven’t done anything wrong, this is where you need to draw the line and immediately stop being overly nice and kind. Changing your behavior right away will stop them and show that you’re not weak. It will also demonstrate that you have very limited tolerance for negative, toxic people.
People who suppress their frustrations by being passive-aggressive may try to unload their pent-up issues on those who are nice to them. The problem is that people who choose to be kind are often doing it consciously. At some point, you may need to switch from being kind to becoming more assertive or confrontational—something passive-aggressive individuals typically do not appreciate. However, they also need to understand who you are and that you demand respect when it’s not given in return for your genuine happiness and kindness.
The best approach to dealing with others, no matter where you are, is to maintain a neutral attitude—neither overly nice nor overly mean. This is crucial because individuals who have suppressed their anger from dealing with bullies may see someone friendly as an easy target to dump their frustrations on. If you come across as overly nice, especially in certain environments, these individuals might view you as weak and continue to push their unresolved issues onto you. As a result, you could become their emotional “punching bag,” absorbing all their negativity in a psychological sense.
To prevent this, it’s important to remain neutral at first. If someone perceives your kindness as weakness, gradually or immediately stop being overly nice to them. In some cases, it may be necessary to adopt a firmer, more assertive stance. It’s important for them to understand that kindness is not the same as weakness, and you will not tolerate being their emotional dumping ground.
Remember, misery loves company, and people who haven’t learned to deal with their problems properly may try to make you share in their unhappiness. But it’s not your responsibility to carry their emotional baggage. You deserve to be happy just as much as they do, and they need to learn to handle their own issues—whether they’re dealing with bullies, happy people, or those who are strong.
If they take out their frustration from being bullied on you because you are kind, that is not your burden to bear. You are not obligated to tolerate it. Stand up for yourself, and understand that you deserve to be treated with respect. Be good to those who are good to you, and assertive with those who are not.
Happy people seek the company of other happy people, while passive-aggressive individuals often target those who are kind in order to bully them. These people aren’t happy, and seeing someone else happy can make them angry. In their minds, changing you to be miserable brings them joy. If you stop tolerating it and assert yourself, they will immediately see that you are not someone to mess with or bully.
I hope this advice is helpful. Have a safe and happy life, and remember: if you’re a happy person, you deserve to be around other happy people. Be mindful of those who might try to drag you down, because misery loves company.
If you’re interested in exploring this subject further, consider joining MJ’s upcoming events, where these topics will be discussed in detail.
We welcome your thoughts and feedback in the comments section below. For one-on-one coaching, feel free to contact Milad Emjay.
