We’ve all been told to “stay positive,” but if positivity is so great, why does negativity exist? Everything in life has a purpose, so perhaps negativity has its own. Often, when someone tells you to “be positive,” it’s not that they truly care about your mindset—they might just want to avoid hearing something they can’t handle, don’t know how to solve, or don’t want to confront.
There’s a difference between genuinely seeking a solution and simply complaining. If someone keeps talking about a problem without being open to help, they may be stuck in a loop of negativity. But if you’re discussing an issue with the intent of finding a solution, that’s not negativity—it’s progress.
Words like “positive,” “negative,” and “complaining” are often misused. If you’re actively working toward solving a problem, you’re not being negative. For example, if you’re dealing with a car engine issue and exploring solutions, you’re troubleshooting, not complaining. However, if someone offers a solution and you ignore it, that’s when negativity can take hold.
The overuse of these terms can be harmful. When people throw around words like “complaining” or “negative,” it can shut down meaningful conversations about challenges. We should be more mindful of how we use these labels. If you can’t offer a solution or don’t want to engage with someone’s problem, it’s better to say, “I can’t help with this,” rather than dismissing it with “just be positive.”
Ultimately, we should use these words carefully and focus on finding realistic solutions rather than masking problems with positivity. Often, telling someone to “stay positive” is just a way to avoid addressing their real issues. It’s a way of saying, “I don’t want to hear about your problems,” and it encourages people to hide their struggles rather than deal with them.
We know a large percentage of communication is nonverbal, so when you tell someone to “be positive,” you might be asking them to create a fake reality to avoid upsetting others. This approach often leads to frustration. Imagine a balloon filled with air—if you block the only release valve by telling someone to “stay positive,” the pressure builds until the balloon eventually pops. This is how people can feel when they’re not allowed to express themselves.
Those who frequently use phrases like “be positive” or label others as “negative” may not fully understand human psychology. While not always the case, people who push positivity in this way often come across as inauthentic. They might say kind words, but their body language or judgments can reveal deeper, less genuine intentions.
It’s important to align your words with your actions. Simply telling someone to “be positive” doesn’t solve problems—it just masks them. Over time, if someone continues down that path without seeking real solutions, they can end up being disingenuous. Ultimately, encouraging fake positivity can lead to more harm than good.
If you’re interested in exploring this subject further, consider joining MJ’s upcoming events, where these topics will be discussed in detail.
We welcome your thoughts and feedback in the comments section below. For one-on-one coaching, feel free to contact Milad Emjay.
